That is true liberty. And punishing us for any unperfect behavior. I was able to breathe, think, reflect, and observe his patterns and my repeating, self-harming patterns. Going No contact for a minimum of three years is a must. (That might be enough for you to process and understand for now.). Thank you for this article. With all that has occurred in the last 26 months I often feel like a broken man, have considered suicide. Then he told me he didnt want me to leave and he didnt want to break up. If you have not noticed, I am trying not to refer to the Narcs as peopleI do believe that they are missing the essential God soulTheir trauma in youth allowed something to replace their souls..What replaced it is anyones guessSome would say something demonicI think kids are survivors and will adapt to the most horrendous situationsHowever,I cannot be a therapist and a boyfriend/husband at the same timeI dont want a project..I tried to help her but she resisted every timethey are not good at intimacey..ever notice that?.Try writing your thoughts/feelings down in a diary each day..This may help if you have no one you can trust to just listenMy diary is on my email notebook..I feel its safer to keep it thereLike I said, time does heal all woundsAt some point, I just got sick of thinking about it..Talking about it..Writing about itYou will know when you have had enoughLearn from it and move onYou will be wiserstrongerthe next time a Narc comes into your life, you will recognize it and just go the other way. You can do this!! You cant fall out of trauma bonds like you fall out of love. Plus, its very difficult to stay away from someone you have bonded with. Do not want to be involved in triangulation. This is not an easy situation and the police dept. This is what I find to be so disturbing. I find it absolutely disgusting!! Love/Hate. They can help you complete your search. After finding out she wasnt a 25 yr old porn star and wasnt ever going to come see him. Chronic Trauma. Dont give them what they dont have emotions. Yes, it is disturbing, but I honestly believe that regardless of how messed up other people are, we gain valuable wisdom about are own strength when we finally learn the lesson that our value is not dependent on any other person. He is still dragging me through the mud in the meantime. We deny reality because it is to painful. The person experiencing abuse may develop . I thought we had a special connection that no one else did, I thought I was special to her like I thought she was to me, I was wrong. I wanted that family, I cant even see my son now, its been 5 weeks, the last few times Ive asked she has declined, she will not allow anyone else in mine or her family to give him to me, so the no-contact would not work if I have to get my son from her, Id forever be crippled by her, its so horrible how she could do this to me, its beyond imaginable the pain she has put my heart through and still does, I wanted a family so bad and I will never get that image I imagined, someone else will get it, and I did nothing for that to happen, I did nothing wrong I did everything right and too much of it and im the one being blamed, she plays the vicitim, I get endless threats from her violent, dysfunctional family and everything feels so unfair, I lose the love of my life or the person I thought was, I lose the family that I planned and wanted to grow with, I lose my reputation from people who I built it with, I am in debt from her as she finically crippled me.
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